Advice for a teenage girl in a pickle (caution: LONG STORY...i'm sorry.)?

Here's the situation.


I'm about 17. I dated a guy my age for about a year and a half. He was the one that showed interest first, but he also cheated on me about a month into our relationship, by asking out another girl. I have made mistakes in the past dealing with cheating (which i deeply regret) and so i decided to just try to work things out with him, since people make mistakes. When I tried and he didn't put in any effort, I broke up with him. I ended up taking him back about two weeks later, because i missed him, and he appologized for what he did. I guess that was good enough for me. During the six months, I continued to have problems with his excessive flirting with other girls. I knew from the start of our relationship that he was a flirt, but I trusted that the flirting would be all in good fun and he'd remain faithful to me. While i was uncomfertable with a lot of his flirting (including putting his arm around their waist, massaging them, telling them ';inappropriate'; things) i tried to bear with it. When i finally confronted him about it after 6 months, I contemplated breaking up. But i didnt. For the next few months, our relationship improved greatly. All of the inappropriate flirting was gone, and we became closer than ever. However, I recently found out that he had been cheating on me with my best friend for the past few months and neither of them told me. That was the last straw, and I broke up with him.


It's been really hard, and I know i still have feelings for him. But i don't want to take him back, because i told him i'm done giving him chances. However, I'm also unsure about what to do with my friend. Both of them were equally a part of the cheating (i know this for sure), and although she appologized after, it's hard to forgive her. I told her i don't hate her, i just hate what she did. i really want to just forgive her and continue to be friends like how we were before--and that's what i'm doing. But i don't know if this is the right thing to do. Should I continue to forgive my friends who do these things behind my back? I really want to be a nice person, but i don't want to be a pushover.


I'm sorry this is so long, but does anyone have any input? (:Advice for a teenage girl in a pickle (caution: LONG STORY...i'm sorry.)?
I'd cut strings with him entirely. Having sex with others while in a relationship is dangerous and very hurtful.





When I had just moved out of my house to get a divorce (I am 38) now and this was about 5 years ago my best friend whom I have known since I was 6 dated my husband for three moths prior to us ever getting divorced. My now ex-husband told me. I think he did it to get a rise out of me. It failed. She and I talked she played off why it happened and we remained friends. I forgave her. We stayed friends for a few more years after than the she got a boyfriend and is one of those that cannot have girlfriends when she dating someone. I'll be honest it was hard to forget and as time went on and we talked less and less I was almost relieved. You can forgive your best friend but you can probably never forget it happened. Some things you simply cannot undo. I even helped her get over my ex dumping her....lol...Stupid eh? As humans we try to do the right thing...





Personally I think you deserve better. I think you can forgive her...hear her out...and then if you truly don't think that things will ever be the same again I'd simply tell her....I forgive you but there is a huge sense of betrayal here. You lost them both in a sense. What she did I would never wrap my head around and if you can God bless because you are better than me. I honestly don't think you will be able to either. Speaking form my experience I would forgive her and simply tell her that you just cannot process all this and it is eating away at the back of head why you'd do this and maybe one day I might get over it but not today. You honestly don't have to tell her a word but I would simply because I am that way. A good friend will wait and a rotten one will last out. I think you need a spring cleaning. I'd remove them both from my life. Soon it will be summer and you can meet other people who aren't so toxic to your soul. He seems like an A-$$ and she is not better. You don't need people like that in your life. I know we all make mistakes but that is one that I think you will always carry with you. I don't think you'll lose much by deleting them from your life. There will be someone out there that treats you with respect. Neither of them had any for you. Plus this is something you never forget. I remembered each and every time I saw my former best friend....





If it were me I would walk away from both of them and I know that is hard...but as you are walking off into the sunset you have to remember tomorrow is another day and you will meet others who are far more worthy of you kindness. If you can't get past why she did it and I never could you aren't doing the wrong think by letting go of them both. They did the wrong thing to you...You didn't do anything wrong. Her behavior and his is unacceptable and it was quite cruel You don't need that in your life.





FURTHERMORE if you were a pushover you'd of forgotten the day it happened and said ';let's do lunch'; but you are simply a human with a conscious.....and I know that I think the right thing to do would be to remove them fro your life. You'll never trust her again nor him which leaves you with zero anyway but there are others who won't do that to you. Clean house.....That is my advice to you. Clean house as self preservation and move on....without them....and at least you have the summer to regroup. I'm sorry this happened to you. It sucked for me but I got to the point I had to do what was right for me and you shouldn't have to look at them, be reminded and still smile. You should write them off and find a best friend and a boyfriend with a heart and never look back.





Can you talk to your mom about this or any other confidante? I'd talk to them if you could of not...Email me if you need an ear.....But I would say forgive and forget about most things but as I said....some things you cannot undo and those prevent you from moving forward......Head up, smile on your face and leave them......you did nothing wrong...but you don't need a constant reminder......(My reply was long too = because I remember how horribly gutted this made me feel)Advice for a teenage girl in a pickle (caution: LONG STORY...i'm sorry.)?
leave him.you don't deserve him.give yourself a break!go out with some friends.you'll find a better person soon.he's not worth it.chin up girl, there's someone waiting for you, for you alone.
both of them arent worth the pain once a cheater alwaya a cheqter
There comes a time when you stand in judgment


of yourself


and the biggest lesson you can learn


is do not have people in your life, who doesn't enhance it in some way





that doesn't mean a friend with problems should be cut out, it means if they come to you for help, and you can guide them, you should





neither of these people enhance your life in any way, and have given you grief and cause dilemmas to you


how long will you allow people to walk over you?


how long before you assert yourself and say ';i'm better than this';


they clearly do not respect boundaries, and you have higher morals than they do





you sound like a caring person and they have taken advantage of this,


you have seen how much they respect you


why hang around?


you are better than this and worth more
Oh my dear, you are truly a kind person, but I'm glad you have declared you don't want to be a pushover. Your boyfriend and best friend are not true friends at all --- true friends do not betray each other. they are selfish and only care about themselves.





There are people out there who will care for you genuinely. Go find them. May take time ...but be patient.





Please don't ';walk around'; with a sign that says ';step on me';. You deserve so much more!!!
my advice is stay the hell away from the boy he is no good for you, once a cheat always a cheat and that just proved it





as for your BEST friend id give her another chance because i think it was your ex hitting on your friend





give her another chance but dotn trust her straight away
If he flirts alot and you do not feel comfortable around him when he flirts, stay away! You deserve a better boy friend!





And your best friend?! No way! She's totally betrayed your trust.


But as it was your boyf who was flirting with your best friend and your friend might of been secretly attracted by him.


You don't need friends like her!





I've always been a pushover and it's not fair.


You're obviously a kind person :D And weldone!
Your letting people walk all over you!


Problem: You're too nice.


Solution: Don't take your ex back and just forget about him. He's a cheater, it's not like he only cheated on you once..he never stops. So get him out of your life. As for your friend, don't forgive her so easily. Let her feel the hurt she caused you. Let her run after you. Tell her how much she's hurt you and you're finding it hard to forgive her..
First off, you are waaay to good for that guy. There are literally millions of guys dying for a chance to meet a nice girl like you and your wasting your time on someone repeatedly cheating on you? Just make sure you don't take him back. As for your friend, it will be hard to stay friends with them. But as long as she regrets what she's done and never does anything like that again there is no reason you can't be friends. As you said ';everyone makes mistake';. If she constantly backstabs you though, it might be best to distance yourself from her. I'm sorry you had such a terrible relationship, but your young and there'll be plenty more :)